Unsettled Emotions
by Jaskra Ryonative
Summary: “Could I actually love him?” The sudden realization of this totally shocked and baffled Hisoka. My view on the shinigami's developing love. Please R&R! I crave the input of readers! Enjoy!
1. Unsettled Emotions Part 1

AN: This is a Shonen-ai/Yaoi if you don't know what this is LEAVE NOW. For people who are here to read this adorable couple please enjoy your stay.

All usual disclaimers apply. If they were mine they'd have been together. This story takes place a while after the Kyoto incident in the anime.

Enjoy!

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**Unsettled Emotions**

It had been an uneventful two weeks. Nothing but paperwork had come through En Ma Cho. Needless to say everyone was burned out, even Tatsumi who usually just let these trivial things blow over him.

Tsuzuki stared out he window, basking in the sight of the pink blossoms of the Sakura tree.

'Beautiful,' he thought.

He new well what memories the innocent petals brought back for his young partner, Hisoka. Yet he couldn't bring himself to despise the Sakura trees. It wasn't their fault the psychopathic Muraki had sullied their beauty, tainting them with the despicable memory of his evilness.

He deeply sighed. Lost in his thoughts. This audible sigh brought him to Hisoka's attention.

"Bakayarou, why are you so sullen all of a sudden?" slightly annoyed, and yet slightly worried about the older Shinigami.

"Eh? Oh...nothing...nothing, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said waving it off.

'Liar,' thought Hisoka. 'I may not be psychic but I am an empath.' he could feel the sadness and confusion emanating from Tsuzuki. Something had to be wrong cause normally the shields protecting those innermost feelings were up. Something wasn't right and Hisoka knew it.

Hisoka decided to flat out tell him, "You're lying."

"No, no Hisoka I'm all right. I'm just tired like everyone else. This paper work just has me a little drained is all." Tsuzuki wasn't going to bother Hisoka with his useless thoughts. Especially when some of the problems included the younger Shingami himself. No he couldn't, wouldn't, put that on Hisoka.

Hisoka decided to drop the subject because he new his partner wasn't going to give an inch. Tsuzuki just seemed to get like this sometimes. Better to just leave it alone. He could never get Tsuzuki to fess up, when he was so deeply buried in his thoughts.

It just seemed that this had been happening more and more often since the Kyoto incident.

'I kept him here when he wanted to die,' Hisoka thought.

He could remember it so clearly. As if it happened just yesterday.

(AN: This is from the bootleg fan-subs sorry if it's not the same as the dubbed version.)

**Flash Back**

_Hisoka: Tsuzuki!_

_What are you doing? Come over here quick!_

_Tsuzuki: Hisoka?!_

_Hisoka: Can't you move now? I'll be right over!_

_Outstretches his palm._

_Tsuzuki, we're going now._

_Tsuzuki: shakes head_

_Hisoka: Tuszuki?_

_Tsuzuki: That's enough Hisoka. I've lived this long...it's enough. _

_I've been very tired..._

_I'm not allowed to exist. So, just let me be..._

_Interrupts. Launching himself at Tsuzuki, hugging him tightly and crying._

_Hisoka: Well you can exist just for me! I don't want to be alone anymore! _

_Give me a place to exist. The only place...is here. _

_Then, it's only... To be with you..._

_Tsuzuki: I...Can... Stay with you? _

_Sighs from relief, tightens grip on Hisoka._

**End Flashback**

"Does he regret living for me? Wait what _was_ my motive for asking him to stay with me or letting me go with him?" Hisoka pondered this for a while. "What really were my intentions? Everything was in the heat of the moment I don't even know what my thoughts were at the time."

"The one thing I do know though is that I couldn't live without him. But what do I see Tsuzuki as? My partner, my friend, my family, or does he mean something more?" this thought bothered Hisoka more than anything else. "If that was true how much more?"

"Could I actually love him?" The sudden realization of this totally shocked and baffled Hisoka. He also hadn't realized that he'd whispered his private thoughts aloud.

"Ne, Hisoka? Did you say something?" Tsuzuki asked. Were his ears just playing tricks on him or did he hear what he thought he heard, right?

At his partner's addressing him he realized he had voiced his thoughts. Hisoka blushed furiously. He stammered, "N..n..no." Hisoka decided to turn back to his work trying to hide behind the pile of papers on his desk. Hoping that Tsuzuki wouldn't notice his bright red face that was flushed with embarrassment.

However Tsuzuki had noticed.

To be continued....?

(AN: So how was it? Do you want more? Then review! Please I live off the response of others! Ja ne!)


	2. Unsettled Emotions Part 2

AN: This is a Shonen-ai/Yaoi if you don't know what this is LEAVE NOW. For people who are here to read this adorable couple please enjoy your stay.

All usual disclaimers apply. If they were mine they'd have been together. There's a hinting of Tat/Tsu in here. And it's a little fluffy/ansty.

Enjoy!

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_Last Chapter_

_Hoping that Tsuzuki wouldn't notice his bright red face that was flushed with embarrassment._

_However Tsuzuki had noticed._

**Unsettled Emotions Part 2**

"What brought upon that reaction I wonder?" he thought curiously. He shrugged it off and went back to worrying on the pole of papers in front of him.

"So many summaries to write," he groaned. What he had said about being drained hadn't been a complete lie. All this paper work really had burnt him out. He wished he could have a few days off. And then get back to some field work. If there was one thing he hated it was paperwork.

Tsuzuki looked over at Hisoka writing yet another summary. His papers were all stacked neatly, in their perfect handwriting. In comparison Tsuzuki's own desk had papers scattered everywhere, and the writing was chicken scratch. He smiled at his partner's diligence. Hisoka was worrying his lower lip with his teeth. Although he hated the thought of those soft full lips being bitten, it was adorable to watch.

Everything about Hisoka made his heart swell. From the way those emerald orbs would get that determined look in them, to the way that he chastised Tsuzuki for eating too many sweets, and he looked even cuter when he blushed when Tsuzuki teased him. He could help loving the Shinigami for all that he was.

These were the thoughts that had plagued him, constantly invading his mind. He just couldn't get Hisoka out of his head. And to tell you the truth he didn't want to. He just wished he knew how Hisoka felt about him.

"He probably just sees me as an annoying older brother," getting depressed as he thought about that.

He hated not being able to express his feelings to Hisoka. But he would not risk his friendship with the person he cared most about just for the possibility that there could be something between them. They had a delicate understanding and he didn't want to overstep that boundary, even if it held back his own heart. He would remain an ever guiding friend to Hisoka if he had to.

The problem was that his resolve had been faltering more and more. The wall he had built around his heart, since he was with Tatsumi, was slowly crumbling. He didn't know how long his facade of friendship towards the younger Shinigami would hold. It was a battle he was slowly losing, and he was afraid it might end everything.

(AN: So how was it? Do you want more? Then review! Please I live off the response of others! I know it was short but it's a continuation of the first chapter. Ja ne!)


	3. Nightmares and Paperwork

A/N: I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been so swamped with school and other things I haven't had time to write. Not to mention my muse hasn't been working until recent. pouts I hope you can forgive the delay, and be patient with me. I do intend to finish this fic so don't worry about it be one of those, that's never completed. Anycase please enjoy and don't forget to review! Thanks

Unsettled Emotions

Chapter 3: Nightmares and Paperwork

My sleep is restless and disturbed. Nightmares of that fateful night with the doctor plague me. He comes toward me, I want to scream and run, do anything, but I am stock still. He shoves me to the ground, and its then that I struggle. He holds me down and takes me hard and dry. Pain sears through me as he drives in, I can see that horrible eye flashing from underneath the silver hair. He's cutting into me, I scream as the markings are carved into my flesh...

"Hisoka!" I feel a rough shake.

"Soka? Daijoubu?"

"Tsuzuki?" I glance hazily at him and my surroundings. I'm our office and at my desk.

"Soka?" Tsuzuki asks again.

"Hai, Daijoubu Tsuzuki," he sighs in relief.

"You were having a nightmare. I came in from the break room and you were sleeping at your desk. I didn't want to wake you, because you looked so peaceful. So I worked as you slept, but suddenly you started screaming," his eyes looked so worried for me.

"Baka, you shouldn't have let me sleep," I say brushing off his worried look.

"I have work to do." But inside I'm extremely glad he's here. His presence itself is calming the adrenaline that is still rushing through my veins from the dream. If anything I need the comfort of his embrace right now. Wait a second, did I just think that? I shake my head to clear that thought.

"Ha..Hai," he answers. But I can tell he's still worried. Those amethyst eyes look so scared. Is that fear for me? "You're sure you're okay 'Soka?" Those eyes are still expressing deep concern.

"Hai, I'm sure," I reply testily. But inside I'm shaking like a leaf. I need the comfort, that I'm so unwilling to let him give me.

He sighs tiredly. Realizing that I don't want his help, and goes back to his desk.

I sigh and look down at the work on my desk. It's now rumpled from my sleeping on it. Tsuzuki looks up at me from his own work hearing my sigh. Those amethyst eyes still hold a seemingly everlasting concern for me.

"Get your work done," I snap. "I'm fine. And I go back to my own pile of paper work.

We worked like this for several hours. Finally I'm finished and set my pen down. Evening my papers, I set them aside and proceed to stretch. I glance at Tsuzuki, while doing so, and expect to see him still writing. Instead he's watching me. 'How long has he been doing that,' I wonder absently.

"Nani," I ask him irritated.

"Nothing," he replies smiling.

'What's he so happy about?' I wonder irritatedly. I shake my head, there's no telling what goes on in that amethyst eyed head of his. I won't even try to figure it out. "Are you done?" I ask him. not expecting him to be but just the same.

"Yes," he replies smug.

I look at him shocked, but not showing it. He hardly ever gets his work done before me.

"Ne, 'Soka?" he asks me. My mind's still in a fuzz.

"Nani?" I asked tiredly.

"You wanna go get a drink or something to chill?" he asks with a childlike grin.

"Oh, no!" I protest immediately. "You always get beat drunk and I end up carrying your ass home," I say putting my foot down. "Either that or you buy a ton of sweets, and then Tatsumi yells at us for the bill. I personally don't want to get stuck with either."

"Onegai," he begs. "I promise I won't do either." He puts on his big puppy dog eyes. My feel my walls crumbling at the look. Damn him, those eyes are irresistible and he uses them to his full advantage.

"Fine," I finally grumble. "Bit I better not be carrying you home tonight." So I put my papers away and we head out the door, turning off the lights, and out of the En Ma Cho headquarters.

To be continued...

A/N: Thanks for reading! Please don't forget to review!


	4. Dances and Warmth

A/N: Wow, I can't believe I got another chapter out this soon! amazed Well I hope this chapter proves enjoyable. Usual disclaimers apply.

Unsettled Emotions

Chapter 4

Dances and Warmth

The music pounded in my ears, and as it did so I thought, '_This_ is chilling?' Somehow Tsuzuki had dragged me to a night club, after stopping in his apartment to change into clubbing clothes, and presently he was dancing in the middle of the dance floor.

"How do I get myself into these situations?" I wondered out loud. I've never been one for loud music, even when I was alive. A good book and some classical music would suit me just fine.

As I sit at the bar alone I just stare out into the crowd. Tsuzuki seems to be having fun. I hear something, and then someone is to my right.

"Would you like to dance?" I look at the person and politely decline. Thinking to myself that I couldn't dance to this music if I tried.

Looking back into the crowd I try to spot Tsuzuki but can't find him. "Where'd he get off to now?" I wonder out loud.

"Miss me?" a voice from the side says. I look to my left and see the smirk on his lips.

"Just wondering what trouble you might have gotten into, considering you attracted quite an audience while you were out there." I state nonchalantly. Which was true many people had turned to watch the gorgeous Shinigami dance.

His smirk broaded into a grin. "Really? I hadn't noticed; I'm just having a good time. Why don't you join me?"

"Iie, I don't think so." There is _no_ way he's getting me on that dance floor.

He sighs a, "Fine," at me and walks back into the crowd. I see a tall blond begin to dance with him and find myself slightly jealous.

'Wait a second. Jealous? Me? Of what?' I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

Tsuzuki sways back and forth to the music, and I find myself watching him. 'What's with me I wonder? Maybe a drink will do me some good, clear my head,' I think absently.

I motion to the bartender to hand me a White Wine Spencer. After filling the glass he hands me it and I take a sip. The wine is soothing on my palette, and I feel it take effect after a while. I look back over at Tsuzuki and he's dancing with someone else this time. I watch him dance, swaying back and forth, 'God he's sultry and he looks good enough to eat in those leather pants and shoulder split top. I bet he tastes sweet,' I think taking another sip. I sit there watching him for a time as he moves to the beat of the music. The music stops and I see him walk my way. 'Why's he looking at me like that?' I wonder.

"Soka, come dance with me?" I hear him request.

I want to but I'm afraid. He seems to sense my hesitation.

"Soka, you can trust me I won't let you fall," those words hold so much more meaning.

Maybe it's the alcohol but I don't want to fight this feeling I'm having. It feels so much deeper than anything else. The warmth and gentleness that radiate off of Tsuzuki calm me. It's complete and utter trust I feel. I feel myself subjecting to my own emotions for a change instead of channeling someone else's. I nod unsurely and reply, "I don't know how."

It's barely a whisper but I hear him reply, "I'll teach you." I feel myself led onto the dance floor, the music is slower now. Tsuzuki envelopes me in his warmth. Leading me gently into a quiet yet soul searing dance. I feel him draw my head to his chest, and I feel his heart beat. Everything seems to drift away, and I can only hear and feel him. We're alone, the music is his heart beat. I feel more peaceful than I ever have.

The music has stopped and another, faster paced, song has come on, but we don't hear it. We're still dancing to our own rhythm.

"Soka," I hear him whisper in my ear.

"Mmm?" I mumble.

"Let's go home, it's late." His breath is warm on my face.

I feel myself nod not even objecting to the word _home_ and mumble my reply. As he draws me away from the dance floor I come back to myself slightly. I notice we had attracted quite an audience as we were dancing. I feel myself blush in embarrassment. Tsuzuki just smiles at me and leads me out of the club, and I feel myself smile back.

To be continued...

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. I realize 'Soka was a bit out of character, but remember alcohol is intoxicating especially for a low-tolerance Shinigami and can have nice effect especially mixed with a handsome Tsu-puppy BTW that top Tsu was wearing it was the same one he was wearing on the cruize ship when they found Muraki. I love that top I need to make that for a cosplay. wanders off planning

Sankyuu and please review!

UPDATE 8-17-5  
I realize that I haven't update Unsettled Emotions in a long time. However I've been swamped, and don't see a clearing on the horizon any time soon unfortunately so the rest of that fic will be on hold for a while. Also for my other two fics I realize that they need some serious revising considering I wrote them about three to four years ago, though I don't think I published them till 2003. Unfortunately these will also have to wait. On I have a Gundam Wing H/R fic if you want to read it, considering it can't be posted on this one legally because of obvious reasons. I hope you will be patient with me and I'll try to do these things when I can. Thank you.


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